Long-overdue union

By COLIN M. STEWART

Tribune-Herald staff writer

There are long engagements, and then there are really long engagements.

For Wilhemina “Aunty Willy” Kamalamalama, 59, and Linda “Souza” de Souza, 66, the engagement lasted more than three decades. But on Jan. 2, the two finally tied the knot as one of the first same-sex couples to take advantage of the state’s new civil union law, which went into effect at midnight on New Year’s Eve.

Residents of Kalapana Seaview Estates, Kamalamalama and de Souza have spent virtually “every minute we can together,” de Souza said. “From the moment we met, I knew I’d met my soul mate.”

A religion and art student who recently completed a degree in art at University of Hawaii at Hilo, de Souza said she is very much a believer in the concept of love at first sight.

“In the Kabbalah, it says that when God created everything, he split all the souls in half. We were just lucky to find our other half in this life,” she said. “Regardless of gender.”

For de Souza, discovering her love for a woman came after being happily married to a man and giving birth to three children. After the death of her husband in Vietnam, she worried that any man she might meet would have a hard time living up to the memory of him. But as it turned out, it would take a woman to stand out from his shadow.

De Souza was waiting to meet a friend on Bellows Beach in Waimanalo, Oahu, when she saw her drive up in a yellow Volkwagen with Kamalamalama in the other seat.

“I stood in front of the car, and said, ‘Stop!’ She rolled down the window, and that was it,” de Souza said.

Shortly after the two met 33 years ago, they said their own vows to each other, although the prevailing laws at the time would not recognize a marriage between the two, Kamalamalama said. They’ve been “living up to those” vows ever since, she said.

“Especially ‘in sickness and in health,'” she added.

For the last several years, Kamalamalama has been battling for her life against bladder cancer, which has spread to her muscles. She’s flown to Oahu on multiple occasions for tests, biopsies and other procedures, as well as undergoing radiation and chemotherapy.

The difficult and frightening experience has been made worse by the fact that the couple has not been able to receive the same rights as other married people.

For instance, de Souza said, insurance would not cover plane tickets or a hotel stay for de Souza to accompany Kamalamalama to Oahu.

“If she had died on an operating table, I wouldn’t have been there,” de Souza said, grimacing as she thumped her fist on the table. “It’s cruel. But that will never happen again. I won’t let it.”

The pair said that while they were very excited to be joined as spouses and they were eager to gain the same rights as married couples, there was some initial trepidation about being one of the first couples to go through with a civil union.

“We didn’t know how people would react,” de Souza said.

While the pair has never been “in the closet,” they tend to keep displays of affection to themselves, and even their own granddaughter didn’t realize the nature of their relationship for many years.

“When she was 14, she said, ‘I thought they were sisters,'” de Souza said.

“We bicker and fight like sisters,” Kamalamalama added with a laugh.

But in the end, a friend and favorite professor at UHH convinced de Souza to go through with the civil union.

“She said, ‘If people never wanted to be first, nothing would ever change, nothing would get done,'” de Souza said. “I immediately thought of that woman on the bus in Alabama. Rosa Parks.”

“We’d waited long enough!” Kamalamalama added.

The couple said they became regulars at the state office building in Hilo as they researched and prepared for the civil union law to go into effect. They found a civil union agent in Hilo who stayed up with them on New Year’s Eve to fill out the paperwork online and file it the next day, and by Jan. 2 they had tied the knot.

Now that they are married, the couple plans to continue doing what they love, including painting and sketching together and spending time with their families and their grandchildren.

“We’re both getting old, our time on earth is getting short,” de Souza said. “But we’re going to focus on getting Willy healthy, and we’re going to be together.”

Email Colin M. Stewart at cstewart@hawaiitribune-herald.com.