Doug Elfman is an award-winning entertainment columnist who lives in Las Vegas. He blogs at http://www.lvrj.com/columnists/Doug_Elfman.html. Twitter at VegasAnonymous.
Demon Arms & the man
By DOUG ELFMAN
I had high hopes for the futuristic shooting game called “Syndicate.” In it, I portray a super soldier in an age of robot Earth soldiers. Sounds cool enough.
It starts out, however, with a glossed-over plot that befuddled me: Evil corporations have done … something bad. I don’t know what.
Anyway, I journey through a series of sci-fi building corridors, shooting evil humans or robot soldiers or something. The shooting is nice and smooth and fun.
I also wield a wild supernatural ability — using Jedi-esque mind tricks to force bad buys to commit suicide or shoot their dumb friends.
But here’s the first game-sucking turn of events:
Occasionally when I die, the game spawns me back to life in front of a horde of rival soldiers, who kill me, or in front of a big boss character, who kills me.
Here’s the second game-sucking turn of events: The first real big boss is so terribly conceived, I quit the game.
This boss, named Agent Tatasuo, has the worst superpower I have ever seen.
When I shoot at Agent Tatasuo, he magically disappears, rendering my ammo nearly pointless, then magically reappears 20 feet away, and then he shoots me.
I shot at Agent Tatasuo for one hour. After that hour, his health meter told me he was still at 80 percent health.
This despicable, villainous superpower is not new in games. It’s been trending in some shooters for years.
Dear game makers: Please stop ruining your games with disappearing-reappearing villains. I say this out of love.
So I quit “Syndicate” and went back to playing “The Darkness II,” which is 75 percent satisfying and 25 percent lame.
In the “Darkness II,” I portray mafia honcho Jackie Estacado, who has a devilish superpower, an extra set of arms called Demon Arms. They are shaped like really long snakes with fangs.
I use my left snake arm to grab rival gangsters, and my right snake arm to rip him in half. Then I snatch his dead heart out of his chest and eat it for energy.
Oh, this is a crazy-bloody, freaky, kitschy game for six to eight hours, believe me.
I also use my regular hands to merely shoot big-city gangsters in the face with guns.
“Darkness II” does suffer a few magically disappearing villains. They are tediously boring, but at least they are brief.
That about sums things up. There’s plenty of talky plot dialogue, film scenes, and psychological twists. But honestly, “Darkness II” is a half-shooter, half-snake-arms-ripping-torsos-in-half-while-eating-hearts affair.
By the way, “Darkness II” gives me a sidekick, a gassy monkey-size British demon who eats gangsters’ faces off.
For the zillionth time, I’m going to point out I’m a peaceful, loving person in real life.
But “Darkness II’s” shooting and Demon Arm stuff is fun, though at times redundant and banal, and it requires the ability to stomach a comical brutality that would make Edgar Allan Poe say, “Whoa, dude, that was nasty.”
“The Darkness II” by 2K Games retails for $60 for PS 3 and Xbox 360; $50 for PC — Plays fun. Looks good. Moderately challenging. Rated “M” for blood, gore, drug reference, intense violence, strong language and strong sexual content. Three out of four stars.
“Syndicate” by EA retails for $60 for PS 3, Xbox 360, PC — Plays fun at times but is ultimately frustratingly. Looks good. Challenging. Rated “M” for blood, gore, intense violence, strong language, suggestive themes. One star.
Doug Elfman is an award-winning entertainment columnist who lives in Las Vegas. He blogs at http://www.lvrj.com/columnists/Doug_Elfman.html. Twitter at VegasAnonymous.