By FRANK CERABIN
By FRANK CERABIN
Cox Newspapers
From: Palm Beach Police Admin.
To: All officers
Subject: Package deliveries to the Limbaugh home
As you all are aware, we went through a whole bunch of nonsense last week over a “suspicious” package delivered to radio talk-show host Rush Limbaugh’s home.
We had to call in the Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office bomb squad, divert traffic, and deal with the assembled media.
All for a package from an admirer that contained a digital picture frame with an artist’s rendering of President Abraham Lincoln being assassinated by John Wilkes Booth.
When Limbaugh gets a package commemorating the murder of a president who emancipated black slaves, that’s not suspicious.
It’s expected.
For cryin’ out loud, Limbaugh belongs to the Everglades Club.
Let’s use our heads out there, and not go through this unnecessary drill again.
In an attempt to avoid further false alarms, we are compiling a list of other likely souvenir items Limbaugh might receive in the mail from his admiring listeners.
1. Commemorative renderings of the assassinations of the Kennedy brothers and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
2. Commemorative newspaper clippings of baseball box scores from the Brooklyn Dodgers on days when Jackie Robinson went 0-for-4.
3. Documents purporting to be the real Obama birth certificate from Kenya.
4. The Average White Band box set.
5. A cigar ashtray carved from the hardcover edition of “The Help.”
6. Commemorative “Strom Thurmond for President” memorabilia circa 1948.
7. Vintage NBA films from the 1950 season.
8. A transcript of the Nelson and Winnie Mandela divorce file.
9. A coffee-table book titled “The Collected Fumbles and Interceptions of Quarterback Donovan McNabb.”
10. An Obama lawn jockey.
Also be aware that on a recent radio program, Limbaugh said that women who want contraceptive services covered in their health plans should repay taxpayers in a very specific way.
“If we are going to pay for your contraceptives and thus pay for you to have sex, we want something,” Limbaugh said on his show. “We want you to post the videos online so we can all watch.”
This may really just be an attempt by Limbaugh to get the people he calls “Feminazis” to send him sex videos in the mail.
We don’t think his “Liberal Girls Gone Wild” solicitous act of desperation will work.
But it may cue his admirers to shift from sending racist to misogynist gifts in the mail.
Frank Cerabino writes for The Palm Beach (Florida) Post.