Somewhere, sometime, the concept of taking personal responsibility, the self-motivation or kuleana to show accountability seems have been eroded when it comes to youth sports on the Big Island.
The manner in which we oversee youth athletics seems to have fallen down a lava tube because anyone in the country on the mainland from Fairbanks to the Florida Keys would surely agree that we all have a certain level of responsibility to our young people. It could be taking the first steps toward teaching and developing a regular running routine, or something more tightly structured, like competing in a team sport.
Maintaining that responsibility with a sensible level of care and respect is part of the deal. Nobody is going to stand up and suggest we should just put keiki on teams with no guidance, no observance of rules or decorum we all expect.
Regrettably, too many of us don’t walk the talk, as discussed in this space a few weeks back. We have too many rude, leather-lunged parents screaming at referees, insulting coaches — and sometimes players — who far too often follow officials out of the game site, harass them on the way to their cars, shout profanities and threaten them.
They do this because they think the officials made mistakes. These situations are far beyond what should be tolerated and over time, these disrespectful parents have only gotten worse and their numbers have only increased.
“It’s escalating, no question about that,” said Chris Chun, executive director of the Hawaii High School Athletic Association for the past 10 years. “The acts we see toward coaches and officials being confronted at games, chasing after them into parking lots is worse than it was when I started in this role.
“It goes beyond that,” he said. “We have instances of officials being targeted for abuse on social media, some have their private phones listed, their home addresses have been posted (on social media). I used to get down on officials, too, I’ll admit that, but it all changed after I accepted this role.”
That’s the important point. The foul-mouthed, disrespectful parents seem to be too emotionally obsessed with their own rage to consider reality, which is the difficulty of officiating high school and club or youth sports without the advantages of the professionals you see working NFL, NBA, MLB, NHL and international professional soccer.
Next time you watch an NFL or college football game, have a piece of paper nearby and make a mark for every disputed call, every time officials huddle on the field to see replays of questionable calls, and then imagine it was a high school game with no replay available.
This is not primarily a case of bad officials as much as it is a case of disorderly, misguided and disrespectful parents.
“Some parents think they know more than the officials,” Chun said, “but when you get the opportunity to talk to them and ask if they would consider being an official? They aren’t interested.”
It happens in all sports but most people close to the games think it’s worse in basketball because of the closer proximity to officials, and in soccer because of the proximity and the fact that there are usually smaller crowds so the insults and attacks are more easily heard.
Chun found at least one parent who listened to his plea to get more parents involved in officiating.
“I was one of them, I was loud and obnoxious, all of that,” said Matt Wagner, a parent of athletes at Iolani School on Oahu. “My kids were in AYSO (soccer), and I went through the process and did some officiating, it’s what you sign up for, so you do it.
“It changes your perception, that’s for sure,” he said. “No doubt, I’ve seen some summer league refs who are power trips, who make bad decisions and seem belligerent about it, so it isn’t a matter of the officials are always right, they — we, when I did it — make mistakes. But the way (parents) react in too many cases is just wrong.”
One of the overriding issues is that parents have rights, too, they get to attend games and cheer, boo or complain, within reason, and there’s the problem. When it crosses the line of reason and becomes extravagant and loudly contemptuous, we have a problem.
It would be great to see more parents make the decision to be part of the solution rather than part of the problem, but, let’s be honest about this, it’s much easier to whine, complain and show disrespect than it is to put in the actual work and discipline required to be an official.
Also, you have to pay to get in, you have to attend officiating seminars, you have to buy proper gear. You have to understand why your are doing it and you have to be serious.
“I think taking the test cost $60,” Wagner said, “and the uniform ended up being $200. It’s not like you’re getting rich out there, you get, what? I think it was $30 a game. Sure, you can make back that investment over time, but it does take time and persistence.”
It takes something else, too, something that doesn’t involve cash, checks or credit cards, but is the most important part of officiating youth sports — the willingness to give back, to be one of those people involved with paying back your own youthful athleticism.
At some point, most all of us participated in school or club sports growing up and we couldn’t have done that without reasonably competent officials. No officials, no referees, no umpires, no games.
It’s worth noting that this is an involved issue, watching your own kids play sports. You want them to understand the game, be a good teammate and all that and you don’t want to see them inhibited or somehow frustrated by bad officiating.
You begin to understand the challenge when you make the decision to officiate yourself, as Wagner did in soccer, but it isn’t necessarily a lifetime learning situation.
“I have to admit,” Wagner said, “after I was an official and then just a parent again, I would trip out in the stands when I saw what I thought was bad officiating as far as something where someone might get hurt. I used to sit way down, away from the rest of the parents, but I’d still lose it.
“At one point, my wife, bless her for this, said in a gentle voice, ‘Why don’t you go officiate again,’ and I got the point. I do want to see safe play, so I’m sort of talking out of both sides of my mouth, I have seen those parents, I have been one myself and I have also been a ref out there.
“What most parents, I think, don’t understand, is how hard it is to see the big picture down on the field, it’s much, much easier to see from the stands, it’s not an easy thing to do.”
It may never change, but just the awareness of the issue may help to some degree.
For instance, the best officials in the world, the ones who work NFL games or the World Cup, still make bad calls.
Would it be any different, Chun was asked, if NFL officials were substituted for locals at a high school football game?
“It definitely wouldn’t be any different,” Chun said. “They will still act out and the issue is that it’s pretty much up to the parents to police themselves, to realize when they are going over the line.”
Maybe being reminded about the issue will help some of them curb their unruly behavior.
A little more pono would go a long way.
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