Don’t worry, ladies, the GOP will protect you from your pretty little selves
Little ladies of America, put down your sewing kits and listen up: Donald Trump and the Republican Party have your cute little backs. They’re going to protect you — from making your own choices about reproduction, from deciding whether to own a cat, maybe even from traveling between states.
Heck, girls, today’s GOP will even protect you from the burden of thinking!
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“WOMEN WILL BE HAPPY, HEALTHY, CONFIDENT AND FREE! YOU WILL NO LONGER BE THINKING ABOUT ABORTION!” the former president recently posted. “… I WILL PROTECT WOMEN AT A LEVEL NEVER SEEN BEFORE.”
Of course, you’ve already sampled Trump’s idea of “protection,” in the form of abortion bans in half the country that have now been officially confirmed to have cost women’s lives. Trump — who is responsible for those bans thanks to his three Supreme Court appointments — knows how grateful you are to him.
But it’s not just Trump for whom you should be knitting scarves of gratitude, ladies. Other Republican luminaries these days are also offering invaluable advice on how the fairer sex can be happy, healthy and compliant.
There’s JD Vance, Trump’s running mate. When recently confronted with a 2021 interview in which he derided “childless cat ladies” who “want to make the rest of the country miserable too,” he … doubled down, snarking: “I’ve got nothing against cats.”
It’s hard to believe this duo is trailing among women by double digits in polls.
Vance has also suggested that parents should have more votes in elections than non-parents, and that women who don’t have their own kids aren’t qualified to teach in schools.
Setting aside what generations of nuns might think of that suggestion, it’s a useful reminder, ladies, that to today’s Republican leaders, you are, first and foremost, incubators. Aren’t you honored?
Speaking of reproductive systems: All girls should watch that educational 2022 video that recently surfaced of Mark Robinson, the North Carolina Republican gubernatorial nominee, waving his hand around his groin area and declaring that one of the biggest problems in society today is that women need to just “get this under control.”
Then there’s Bernie Moreno, the GOP’s Senate nominee in Ohio, who recently derided those “single-issue voters” — meaning, women who have the gall to vote in the interest of their own bodily autonomy. He declared it “crazy” that women over 50 would care about reproductive rights.
Hmm. Not to overload your female brains here, but is Mr. Moreno suggesting that anyone who can’t get pregnant should keep their damned noses out of other people’s reproductive decisions? What an unintentionally intriguing concept!
Today’s Republican Party — which, remember, is protecting you — wants to ensure that you don’t have access to information that isn’t good for you.
For example, Missouri’s Republican lawmakers have considered outlawing billboards and websites that might provide you with dangerous information about out-of-state abortion options.
In Texas, they’ve even tried to prevent women from driving to other states for abortion services.
Women behind the wheel is generally a bad idea anyway, are we right?
So come Nov. 5, ladies, you should walk to the polling places — and vote to protect yourselves.
— St. Louis Post-Dispatch
